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Hello.

Um, I'm not really sure if it's okay for me to post on here; I've been having some relationship problems lately, and even though I'm not really in a poly relationship at the moment, I'm starting to think it would be better if I were. I can't seem to feel comfortable with one person. Gosh, that makes me feel horrible. 
I hope I didn't upset anyone.  

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
amethest
Nov. 19th, 2007 03:16 pm (UTC)
First, have a big hug. Second take a deep breath. Third, talk to us.

Trust me, you're a lot better off admitting you're having trouble with monogmy, then trying to pound a square peg in a round hole.

Or it may be your problems aren't totally what you think you are.

Anyway, tell us a bit about yourself. We'll decide if this is the right community for you, and if it isn't, we can probably recommend some ones that might have better answers.
krismaried
Nov. 19th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)
thanks. :) I'll post another thing on the main page explaining stuff.
Thanks so much for being so nice!!
tacky_tramp
Nov. 19th, 2007 03:58 pm (UTC)
Why does it make you feel horrible? Or maybe I should say, how does it make you feel horrible?
krismaried
Nov. 19th, 2007 05:15 pm (UTC)
Just, sorta, I mean I know my parents would think really bad of me if I felt this way. I mean, I'm bi, and when I told my mom that, she freaked. If I told her I wasn't comfortable with just one person, she'd take it even worse.
tacky_tramp
Nov. 19th, 2007 05:22 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear that. It's difficult when your parents don't approve of who you are and the choices you make. According to your userinfo, you're pretty young. Do you still live with them?

It's important as we become adults to recognize that while it's nice to have the approval of our parents, it's not necessary for a fulfilling life. When you think about your mother's disapproval, how do you feel?
nibo
Nov. 19th, 2007 05:56 pm (UTC)
It's important as we become adults to recognize that while it's nice to have the approval of our parents, it's not necessary for a fulfilling life.

I'll second that. I came from a homeschooled background and it took a very long time to stop looking to my mother for approval on everything. I was so used to wanting her approval for everything (for personal reasons, not because she required it). We had some pretty decent arguments the first few times I did things she didn't really agree with. She understood way faster than I did that it was not always necessary for her to agree with something for it to be the right decision for me.
krismaried
Nov. 19th, 2007 06:30 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you had problems with your mom when you were younger! It's good that you worked them out now, though. Do you guys get along ok now?

I don't still live with my parents anymore; I moved away for college this year. I mostly miss my dad, cause he's the one I lived with b4, not my mom. My dad is even more strict then my mom, but he's not too bad with me, because I've never brought up any of this kinda stuff with him. *blushes*
I makes me upset that they would like what I'm doing, but more that it disappoints me that I bother them, you know?
Sorry to ramble.
oliandy
Nov. 19th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)
Then don't tell them about it.

Seriously. I have VERY open-minded parents of my own (I don't want to go into detail, but just trust me on the "very" part), but once they heard some hints of what was going on, they got incredibly worried for me and my husband. Not judgemental, just worried... :( And I don't want to bother them, the way you don't want to bother yours. I love them and we can connect on many many different levels and talk about all kinds of things without discussing this.
nibo
Nov. 19th, 2007 06:44 pm (UTC)
trust me, nobody rambles the way my roomies does. Compared to her, that was to the point.

Yea, things are actually really great with my mom once we got over that bump of how I went about being an adult who led her own life instead of mainly being my mother's child.

The most important thing that i can suggest, no matter where you are or what you're experimenting with or how you decide to go forward, is to be careful. With your emotions, yes, but they heal in time. Be careful with your body and put your own physical well-being first!
metonyms
Nov. 19th, 2007 07:40 pm (UTC)
Ditto to what Oliandy said - just don't tell them about it.

It would be one thing to get married to the two members of your dedicated triad and have to somehow hide it from your parents. But it's another story altogether to start to explore poly relationships without having to tell your parents the poly-relevant details of it all, which is where it you're at. Why exactly do they need to know?

Have fun, be safe, and keep us posted :)
tacky_tramp
Nov. 20th, 2007 01:31 am (UTC)
IMHO, if you're not bothering your parents every now and then, you're not living right. :)
krismaried
Nov. 20th, 2007 03:28 am (UTC)
lol, that does make some sense...

Not telling them would be alot simpler. And it's not like I get checks to make sure I'm seeing their type of person. :) It feels kinda bad of me, but I guess it'd probably be better in the long run.
amethest
Nov. 20th, 2007 09:58 am (UTC)
I agree with "don't tell them until you're more sure of yourself."

I'm lucky, my parents are pretty open-minded. They had no problem with me being a lesbian, although they were happy I took a man as a life-mate anyway. I didn't tell them about some of my early experimentations in poly, but I did tell them about (and introduce to them) my boyfriend (my secondary of over a year.)

They're worried about my marriage, which is justified, but they're coming around to the idea that I simply have two great men in my life.

My decision to tell them about my boyfriend, and to introduce them to him went something like this, "They are going to be upset that I'm not mono, and want to "take up" with someone else while my relationship with my husband is still "new" [five years.] However, I know they care about me, and about what's important to me and especially whom. They would be a lot sadder knowing there was someone important in my life I couldn't share with them to spare their feelings."

They're not exactly happy or thrilled about it, but they are gradually coming around to the idea that this is my life and that my husband, boyfriend and boyfriend's wife are who I call family.

I say do your exploring and searching in private, but don't be afraid to share with your parents the someone or someones you find who are really special and enriching into your life. If they raise a fuss then point out to them that you could be excluding them from your family, as they want to exclude you from theres, but you still value their opinions and want them to see whose been making you so happy.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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polyunder30
poly & poly-curious people in their teens and 20s

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